Date written 18/12/2008 14:12:40
Phew! I am exhausted! I am 7 months pregnant with my third baby, and am Mum to Kaden, 2, and Trista, 1. I also run my own company and baby website, love scrapbooking and spending time with my family and friends. But that’s not why I’m so tired!
Until you have children, you really don’t appreciate the depth of some feelings. I think today I have felt them all, and that’s so emotionally draining, that I am physically exhausted!!
Kaden, in the Terrific Twos stage (most of the time!), was due to go to daycare this afternoon. But for some random reason he didn’t want to stay. He cried and it felt like those tears physically tore the strings of my heart. It hurt me to leave him like that, so I bought him home. I was crying too. He only goes to expend some energy and give me a break, so it wasn’t a big deal (except the money). I came home and Trista had fallen asleep in the car. Her soft and wonderful-smelling head under my chin, as I carefully carried her into bed, was one of the best feelings! I felt so content and satisfied as a mummy. As I walked away from her, I couldn’t help but steal another glance. Her perfect little face made me shed another tear. This one was positive!
However within two hours, I was feeling like crying again but this time I wanted to strangle my babies!!! Kaden had unzipped the beanbag and little polystyrene balls filled the lounge! Kaden kicked and jumped in the snow-like covering, while Trista looked bewildered but very cute covered in white. I wasn’t thinking cute, though. The mess was amazing – I knew I’d be finding these balls for weeks. I was so angry. I wanted to scream but I took a deep breath and grabbed each babe out of the whiteness. As I pulled Kaden, his mouth filled with the balls. He choked and wheezed and spat, struggling to breathe. I was so surprised and frightened and I rushed to scoop them from his mouth. I have never been so scared. Within milliseconds the anger had been replaced with fear and concern. Now that he was ok, I was relieved but shocked, and I picked up the phone for help! Their father was at work and my family live close. When they walked in the door, the relief I felt was amazing! I felt like I had angels watching over me and they had just arrived! It took two hours to clean up the balls. Each passing minute made me angrier and more frustrated as the vacuum cleaner bags filled and the balls spread around the house. But now the children are in bed, asleep. Their faces are perfect, they smell divine and clean and their mouths have turned up into little smiles. They look like angels (I know better!). I am so happy being a mum. There is nothing more rewarding in my life than the cuddles and kisses, and watching them achieve milestones. But I am still tired!!!!!
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Not-so-cute baby behaviour
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